Letting Go

Tomorrow my daughter is graduating from high school. Two days later, she is leaving to work at a Christian camp to serve the One who made her. Watching her wrestle through "adulting", big decisions, and leaving her childhood has been such a joy to my heart. One that fills me with gratitude and pride.

  It’s the third time I’ve walked this path. One would think it would be easier with each one, but they would be very wrong. It’s an unusual feeling that encompasses a mixed bag of emotions. Yes, I am sad, a little apprehensive of what the new norm will look like, and yet I am incredibly proud. Most of the time we walk through grief or struggle, we have a “should” or “could” solution; a way to change things to make them so that you do not feel the pain. In this situation, there is nothing I would change. Everything that is about to transpire is supposed to. For my children to grow their own independence, spread their wings and fly…especially allowing Jesus to lead them…has been my goal all these years. There is absolutely nothing I can or would change. Nevertheless, the grief is real. While they will come home, things will never be the same. And while that is OK and what is supposed to be, there is grief involved. I’ve been keeping myself busy to not think about what’s to come, but both Josh and Darcie are telling me it’s time to feel. So, I guess I will let the process start. Physically, it feels like I can’t catch my breath, like someone has punched me in the stomach. Not all the time, it comes in waves, just like grief does. Emotionally I am on a roller coaster of feeling sad, excited, and tired. There are a lot of things happening deep within my heart. Mentally, I keep telling myself it’s all supposed to happen just like it is…the Lord Jesus will go before her, behind her, and keep His hand over her. And then you have my Mama heart that just wants to cuddle up under a warm blanket and freeze time.

Learning to trust the Lord is the only way that I have found to stay grounded in a very unstable world. I trust Him fully when He says He will go with her. I have taught His truths to my children because to live a life without Christ would be extremely scary and uncertain. I have watched people try to navigate through life without Christ, failing to follow His narrow way, and they continuously make a mess of their lives. And while I may grieve and fear of the future may shadow my thoughts, I have the One who holds the sun and moon in place on my side who sweetly gets my attention to whisper His promises that I hold tightly to as I let go of my girl.